ashram: the kootenay food diaries

Silence sinking into me – filling me
​
“May all my speaking and idle talk be mantra”
Live as if no one is watching
Speak as if it is worship
 
Four elk crossing the road this morning
A bear in the clearing
 
2 pm of my third day here alone and I discover I don’t like myself this much
Embrace that which makes us uncomfortable
 
A dream last night that feels like a gift from Tommy
Tommy died ten years ago.

Lunch
Warm golden beet with wilted kale salad with walnuts, homemade bread, tuna salad, asparagus soup, homemade sauerkraut. My hands smelling deliciously like the onions I cut.
 
Think I will start wearing my long grey hair tied up
Embrace the crone
 
Shorts, sandals, Tai Chi on the beach
Sunny and hot for May in the Kootenays
 
I am back to where I started 40 years ago
Community – one I am not a part of, yet
 
Lunch
carrot ginger soup, quiche, homemade rye bread with butter and thinly sliced white cheese,
salad from the garden
 
Young woman sitting in the dirt in the garden on a hill, meditating
 
Another young woman vacuuming dejectedly
59th lojong slogan – ‘don’t expect applause’
Feeding the soul sometimes means other kinds of starvation
 
Numbers – it has taken me seven days
One sprained ankle and two sets of lost keys
to finally slow down to Kootenay Time.
 
The 25th lojong slogan – ‘don’t talk about injured limbs’
 
A desperate, frantic dream where I had done something wrong
The rest of the dream about escaping – running, hiding; more running, hiding
Finally, just before I am about to assume a new identity, I am caught
My pursuer looks at me and decides to let me go.
Acceptance – ultimate acceptance.
 
Lunch
Lettuce that I picked from the garden this morning, chile soup, corn bread.
 
Dream – the iPhone version of enlightenment
- Touch gently and all will be revealed
 
Watch a storm blow in. 
 
Satsang last night – my favourite Swami (though I shouldn’t have favourites)
 
Lunch on my own
Toast and peanut butter, sliced strawberries, a glass of almond milk
 
Searching for
The way I feel in someone’s arms
Finding it in everyone I speak to.