​Bette and Me by Linda R Berndt

One more morning
Twelve more hours until I sleep and avoid the emptiness, for some restless time
Oh Bette, why am I here?
A nearly toothless grin as an answer
I’ve been adopted by the mall mole family - not the family I ever imagined having
            At least I’m only adopted
Coffee and a bran – change that to a blueberry muffin
            I’m going to live it up today.  Thanks, keep the change
What’s a dime between friends? Are the free newspapers in? Oh good, they’re early today
And there she is beside me, gnarly fingers grabbing my sleeve
Morning Bette.  Yep.  I always have spare change for you…but not a lot today
            Here you go
What are you going to do with your fortune?
I’ll bet you keep a Cadillac hidden somewhere don’t you? 
Yeah Bette.  It’s good to laugh at ourselves.  You bet ‘cha
 Bette’s flaming orange hair always tied back with multi-coloured children’s barrettes
            Some loose tendrils hang down her front like a moth eaten boa 
Hobbling around me, laden down with a bright green packsack patched with black electrical tape, adorned with rubberized Ninja Turtle decals
She shows me a new one – says his name is Donatello… just like my son
Off to make more money for us she mumbles
            Stay here
I watch her work – she shares the donor’s space until they pay her to leave
A few coins thrown at her or on the floor
The rare person turns her down and sends her away 
Once a day the rent-a-cop bullies escort her out of the mall
            ​Temporarily
Bette always comes back
            I loathe Bette
            I see myself in her
            I am close to being Bette
            Could be I already am
            I won’t admit it 
I still have dreams
Walk through the mall holding someone’s hand, look through the windows at the brass ornaments or giggle at the birthday cards – without being asked to move on
Load me down with plastic bags filled with silk shirts and expensive sweaters I’ll finally give away because I don’t like the colours anymore
Sorry, I must have been daydreaming
No.  I don’t have time for another coffee
            I have to go
            ​Bette’s waiting for me…somewhere…

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About Linda R Berndt
​With an energy that belies her 74 years, Linda enjoys every moment in her chosen home town of Tsawwassen, BC. When she is not enjoying her favourite snack of orange, greasy, sticky cheezies, she imagines playing one of her dream roles of Deborah Vance in Hacks, Hetty Woodstone in Ghosts and the old woman/Banshee in The Banshees of Inisherin (just to be close to Colin Farrell). In the meantime, she keeps writing, reading and auditioning.